Bleach episode 312 review

“Does it amuse you to think of me living out the rest of my life as a dreary man in a tedious job?”

That’s what Marechiyo Omaeda has: a tedious job. But when he helps out some random kids in the Rukon District, he fibs and tells them that he’s a Captain. That of course backfires, because the kids make their way to the Seireitei and want to meet their Captain hero. As you’d expect, that leads to a bunch of humor, and then a sad moment when the kids learned the hard way “never meet your heroes,” but it at least ends on a positive note…

…at which point Soi Fon goes and kicks Omaeda’s ass at Yoruichi’s request.

It may have been a filler episode, and a very fillery filler episode at that. But watching Omaeda’s lie get bigger and bigger was a fun exercise. By the time it was over, you knew that Soi Fon was going to have it in for him. You know, didn’t I say earlier that I no longer shipped him and Soi Fon? Check that, I’m shipping them again.

Best girl of the episode: Soi Fon (31) (pretty much wrapping up fourth place)

Episode rating: 8/10

Bleach episode 311 review

Kon (the Karakuraizer) is in the middle of rescuing a girl, when a mysterious man wearing a cape appears and beats the Hollow in front of him, causing the girl to become enamored with him, a man named Michel. Kon then goes back to Urahara Shop, where Tatsuki, Chizuru, Keigo, and Ururu are all wearing capes and all big Michel fans. In addition, Chizuru is not into Orihime and actually attracted to men! What the hell is going on out here?

It turns out, Michel sent out all those capes to hypnotize everyone. Basically, he became the new Aizen. And it’s up to Kon, or the Karakuraizer, to beat him. He does, then everyone (including Chizuru) goes back to normal.

I only wish the episode was as good as I just explained it. Sure, it’s got some funny moments to it, but this is about as fillery as a filler can filler.

Best girl of the episode: Chizuru (4)

Episode rating: 4/10

Bleach episode 310 review

I was promised one of the biggest, longest, drawn-out battles in the history of anime. But instead, Aizen fought Ichigo for what, like two episodes? And now he’s defeated? I thought this thing was going to take weeks on end. Instead, it’s over before the Packers even play their next game. And now everything is hunky dory and everyone’s going back home and to their old lives again.

Aizen is sentenced to 18,800 years in the deepest prison of the Soul Society. No word on whether he will be up for parole in about 10 years. At least he won’t be headed to Alcatraz. In any case, Aizen failed, and he failed hard. If this was all by his design, he’s one of the biggest morons of all time.

Finally, we find out that Ichigo’s going to be tormented for a long time as he loses his Soul Reaper powers. This feels like torture for the sake of torture. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, it’s just that Ichigo is going to have sudden fits over the next year or so. The reason for it? Technobabble, of course.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, Unohana heals Hiyori. So, when Hiyori opens her mouth in the Thousand-Year Blood War arc, just remember: it’s Unohana’s fault.

Best girl of the episode: Orihime (46)

Episode rating: 7/10

Bleach episode 309 review

Ichigo fights Aizen, with the caveat that, should he use this final attack, he will lose his Soul Reaper powers. That doesn’t sound good. Moreover, Aizen seems to have survived his final attack anyway, so it looks like the coast is clear.

But it isn’t. Kisuke Urahara apparently planted some “kidos” in him (more like bombs) that explode and pretty much kill Aizen… or so we think. It’s quite possible all this is a ruse. I don’t know, I didn’t watch this part the first time around. Thankfully, we saw Rukia near the end of the episode, preventing this one from going to the dreaded “No Contest.”

Best girl of the episode: Rukia (58)

Episode rating: 7/10